Don't You Forget About Me
by Oliviet
Summary: "I've tried calling you several times, but you won't answer your cell. I'd try your house phone, but Kathy or one of your kids could answer it and they're not the ones I want to talk to. Although at this point, maybe they'll at least be able to tell me what's going on." A collection of e-mails and dialogues detailing what has really been happening since Elliot left SVU.
1. Chapter 1

9/24/11

Dear Elliot,

I've tried calling you several times, but you won't answer your cell. I'd try your house phone, but Kathy or one of your kids could answer it and they're not the ones I want to talk to. Although at this point, maybe they'll at least be able to tell me what's going on. Please El. I understand why you left, but I don't understand why you didn't tell me about it. I'm your partner for better or worse remember?

Hope to hear from you soon,

Olivia

* * *

9/29/11

Elliot,

I received your letter today. But it really wasn't much of a letter was it? I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks now and all I get is "Semper Fi, El" and some little mementos to remember you by? And you couldn't even drop them off in person you had to mail them to the precinct? Did I do something wrong? Offend you in some way? Please just…talk to me.

Olivia

* * *

_10/1/11_

_Liv, you didn't do anything wrong okay, this is…this is about me. I'm sorry._

* * *

10/3/11

Elliot, you can't just walk out of my life after 12 years without an explanation. You owe me that much. You don't want to work SVU anymore, I get that. But I don't get why you're trying to cut me out. We're more than partners…we're friends. Aren't we?

Liv

* * *

_10/10/11_

_I'm trying to make my marriage work, Olivia._

* * *

10/11/11

What does that have to do with me?

* * *

_10/11/11_

_It has everything to do with you._

* * *

_11/10/11_

_So, how's this new partner of yours?_

_El_

* * *

11/13/11

How's your marriage?

* * *

_11/14/11_

_Fair enough. _

_Olivia, I'm sorry. I didn't leave SVU because of you, you have to know that. I left because of that case and what I had to do. And I just thought I could use this chance to really try to work on things with Kathy. I couldn't do that with you around because of our history. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I don't regret all of them, but right now things between Kathy and I are the best they have been in years. But I still want us to be friends. _

_Elliot_

* * *

12/1/11

He's not you.

* * *

_12/1/11_

_What?_

* * *

12/1/11

My new partner. You asked me what he was like. He's not you.

* * *

12/25/11

Merry Christmas Elliot! Enjoy actually being home with your family this holiday season. I know that was always something you complained about in the past.

Olivia

* * *

_12/26/11_

_Merry Christmas to you too, Olivia! A day late but better late than never, right? Hope you didn't spend the day chasing down bad guys, but I know that's how you like to spend your holidays so never mind. I hope you did. May your New Years be the same way._

_Elliot_

* * *

1/20/12

I've started seeing someone. It's been so long since I've dated, but you know that. He's an ADA and that worries me because it's just another relationship that I'm going to have to keep a secret. Of course you know better than anyone how good I am at keeping secret relationships. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'm finally moving on. I hope you and Kathy are still doing well.

Olivia

* * *

_1/22/12_

_I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. I'm happy for you, Liv, I really am. You deserve happiness more than anyone. And thanks we are doing well. I mean the fighting is starting again but that's always been normal for us. It will pass just like it always does. _

_Eli decided he wants to be a cop like his daddy yesterday. He has this little plastic badge and he kept walking around the house saying "open up, police." Kathy's worried the babysitter was watching something inappropriate and that's where he got it from. I thought it was cute anyway, even if she didn't. Your godson is growing like a weed, Liv. You wouldn't believe it if you saw him. Here I'll attach a picture of him with his police badge and send it to you. You'll get a kick out of it at least._

_Talk to you later,_

_Elliot_

* * *

1/30/12

You're right. He's gotten so big I can hardly believe it! And he looks just like you. Right down to his little plastic badge. Thanks for sending me that.

If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing these days? Do you stay home with Eli or are you working somewhere else?

Olivia

* * *

_2/1/12_

_I'm still on the force. They have me down at the 12__th__ precinct: homicide. I wanted to get away from the live victims you know? Still have the dead ones so some days aren't much better, but overall I'm less stressed. I thought about resigning or retiring or whatever all together, but what would I do with my life if I wasn't a cop? It's a part of who I am. I thought about narcotics instead of homicide, but the whole undercover work really isn't my thing. Especially without you there to back me up. My new partner is nice and all but he certainly isn't you. He's a guy after all so there's that. I'd rather be watching your backside instead of his._

_El_

* * *

2/29/12

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write you back. I just have a lot going on right now. Simon's back. He says that CPS is trying to take his kids away and he wants me to help him. I'm not even sure if he knows why they're trying to take them, but he's desperate. And I want to help him, but I can just feel Cragen breathing down my back about what happened last time I tried to help him. I don't need a repeat of that, but he's the only family I have. Correction, I have a niece now. Simon named her after me. But the other kid, the boy, he's his fiancé's kid from a different relationship. He's the one that CPS seems to think is being abused in some way. I don't want to think that Simon is capable of hurting a little boy, but his father… I know I have the same blood he does, but I at least wasn't raised by him.

I don't know what to do, Elliot. I'm distracted and everyone can see it. Cragen's not happy about it. Amaro (my new partner) and Rollins (Fin's new partner) don't know what to think because they don't know the history behind it. And Fin's doing his best to stay out of my way. He and I both went down for our families that year. He understands.

Any advice?

Liv

* * *

_2/29/12_

_Fin has a new partner? What happened to Munch?_

_Simon's bad news, Olivia. You and I both know it. This is the first time you've heard from him since he left five years ago, isn't it? Convenient how he only reaches out when he needs something from you. I honestly don't think you're going to listen to any advice I give you, because I know you and you always go with your gut instinct, even when it's wrong and yes it's been wrong before. So before you go breaking every rule in the book to help this guy out, remember what he did to you last time. Talk to him, see if he plans to let you get to know your niece or if he's just going to disappear again after you help him. Because for the only family that you have, he kind of sucks. _

_El_

* * *

3/3/12

Sergeant Munch? He's still here. Guess Cragen just decided Fin needed a partner who was more on his level. :)

So Simon and his fiancé kidnapped their kids from foster care. I got Ellis to take his case and he got the kidnapping charge pleaded down to custodial interference. 60 days. But now he only gets to see little Olivia in a supervised setting for the next three years. Almost reminds me of that case where the husband who had supervised visits with his daughter set his wife on fire. I hated that case.

You know we were talking about having weekly Sunday family dinners. So much for that now right? Maybe I am just better off alone.

* * *

_3/4/12_

_Don't you dare say that, Olivia. You're not alone. You have me. So your family is bunch of screw ups, so what? You're not. All right so just, don't be so hard on yourself for things that they've done. You can't change who Simon is anymore than you could stop Serena from being a drunk. _

* * *

3/4/12

Really? I still have you? Sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I haven't seen you in months. Or had an actual conversation with you in months. All we've been doing is e-mailing sending a snippet of our lives here and another one there. If I really have you, I need more than that.

* * *

_3/4/12_

_You need more how, Olivia?_

* * *

3/5/12

I need to see you.

* * *

_3/10/12_

_I can't. _

* * *

3/10/12

Can't or won't?

* * *

4/11/12

Look I know we haven't been speaking because we're both pissed at each other on some level, but do you remember Omar Pena from 2004? We spent nine hours in the interrogation room trying to break him. We were a good team you and me. Well anyway, either we screwed up or the guy managed to escape. It's fleet week and his MO is back: gagged, cut below the chest, and the ammonia for the eyes. Fin thinks it could be a copy cat and Amaro is questioning whether we caught the right guy. What gives him the right to question it? He wasn't in that interrogation room with me for nine hours, you were. As I'm sitting here thinking this, thinking that you are my partner and not him, I realized that I had a bit of a problem. I need closure, Elliot. Not from the Pena case, but from you. Just let me say goodbye.

* * *

_4/14/12_

_Hey keep me posted on that Pena case, will you? I'd like to know if those nine hours were worth anything._

_When the case is over, let's meet at Pete's Tavern for old time's sake. You can tell me all about the case. And you can say goodbye. _

* * *

4/17/12

See you tonight at 8?

* * *

_4/17/12_

_I'll be there._

* * *

He slides into the seat next to her and orders their usual like it hasn't been months since they last did this. She doesn't look at him yet, but her right hand snakes out to grab his left and squeezes hard. The scent of her that hasn't changed in 12, now 13, years drifts towards him as she flips her hair over her shoulder and finally turns to him. She looks like she's about ready to cry and he has the urge to pull her into his arms, but he stops himself. This was a mistake. He shouldn't have agreed to meet her.

"Elliot."

Before he even thinks about it, his right hand is cupping her cheek, his thumb swiping under her eye to catch the tears threatening to spill over. He shakes his head and pulls her into his arms anyway, despite his previous hesitance. Her head falls into the crook of his neck as her arms encircle his torso.

"I've missed you," she breathes against his skin.

_This was a mistake_ keeps echoing in his head because he's missed her too, so much. He's not going to be able to leave her again. Once was hard enough.

"Olivia –" he starts. She pulls away and looks up at him with those beautiful chocolate eyes. "I, uh, I missed you too."

She gives him a small smile and takes her seat again at the bar as the bartender sets down their drinks.

"Pena was innocent," she tells him before taking a long swig of her beer. "You know I can't remember the last time I had a beer instead of wine."

"You're shitting me."

"About Pena or the wine?"

"Pena."

"I wish." She takes another long draw. "I guess you and I are just too intimidating."

"Well I'll be damned. You catch the real prick?"

She nods, setting her beer back down on the bar. "On multiple counts."

"How's your ADA?"

"Well we don't have a set one right now like Casey or Alex, but –"

He laughs. "I meant the one that you're dating."

"Oh." She looks down at the bar. "We broke up recently."

"Why, the sex no good?"

She groans, rolling her eyes. "He got a new job offer."

"That doesn't answer my question about the sex."

She looks over at him, her eyes dark and hooded. "The sex was fine, Elliot. But it doesn't really hold a candle compared to you if that's what you're asking."

He sits back smug, taking another sip of his beer. She sighs and shakes her head.

"No, but really, Liv, I'm sorry that's over. I know you really liked him."

She shrugs, leaning against the back of the bar chair. "He's not you. No one's ever going to be you. But you're married, I've accepted that. The fun we had while you were separated has been over for years now."

"Well I wouldn't really say _years_ considering those couple of nights –"

"Are things really working out with her? Because if they're not…we're not partners anymore, El. We could be together."

"I thought you wanted to meet to say goodbye and let go."

"Originally, I did."

He scrubs a hand over his face before looking back over at her. "Things are fine."

"Then I won't push it. I've already done more damage to this marriage then I'd like to admit."

"Olivia –"

She laughs as the tears brim her eyes again. "I guess this is why we should have just stuck to e-mail. I just needed the last time I saw you to not be a fleeting glance across a chaotic squad room." She moves to stand. "I should go."

He grabs her wrist as she starts to walk away. "I'm always going to love you, Liv."

"Then maybe you should stop lying to yourself that things are fine with your wife." She says it without looking at him and walks out the door without another glance.

* * *

_3/20/13_

_Olivia,_

_I know it's been nearly a year since we last spoke or even e-mailed and I have no one to blame but myself. You were right. I had too much pride to admit to myself that things with Kathy weren't working out. And it's stupid really, that I would want to be stuck in this loveless marriage when I could have had you. By now I may have lost you, for good this time. And I accept that. But I just had to reach out to you and tell you that the divorce has been finalized. I'm a single man. But I'm yours if you'll have me._

_Elliot_

* * *

3/23/13

You're an ass, you know that? I'm in a relationship that has the potential to go somewhere, that could become really serious, and here you are. You should have told me that you were getting a divorce, that things had stopped working. Because it's too late now. I stopped waiting for you a year ago, Elliot. I'm sorry.

* * *

_3/27/13_

_I'm sorry too. So, who's the lucky guy?_

* * *

_3/30/13_

_Liv, come on. What's his name? I'm not going to go stalk the guy. _

* * *

4/2/13

It's Cassidy.

* * *

_4/3/13_

_Cassidy? That idiot you had a one night stand with 13 years ago? Please Liv, tell me it's a different Cassidy. _

* * *

4/5/13

Sorry, same idiot.

* * *

5/30/13

Elliot, something's happened. I need to talk to you.

* * *

_5/30/13_

_What? Liv are you okay? What happened? Did somebody hurt you? Did Cassidy hurt you?_

* * *

5/30/13

You remember that little coffee shop we used to go to off of 6 Ave? Can you meet me there in an hour?

* * *

_5/30/13_

_Make it two hours and I'll be there. _

* * *

He's not sure what to expect when he walks through the doors of the coffee shop. He has no idea what's happened, but it feels like his heart is in his throat. He's been sick with worry ever since he got that first e-mail. It takes him a minute to find her because for some reason she has a hood pulled over her head. Some of the tension leaves his shoulders when he sees it because it's _their_ grey hoodie. He'd wondered if she still wore it.

"Olivia," he calls to her as he approaches her table in the corner.

She jumps at the sound of her name. The tension creeps back into his shoulders. He sits down across from her and notices that one of her arms is in a sling. She looks up at him from under her hood and he sees a black eye, a bruise on her forehead, stitches on her cheek, and a split lip. A soft sob escapes his lips as he takes it all in.

"It looks worse than it is," she tells him, softly.

"Who did this to you?" he grits out. "I'll kill him. I'll kill the sick son of a bitch."

"His name doesn't matter, Elliot. You don't know him and they already have him in lock up."

He groans, reaching out for her and taking her hand from her good arm in his. "What happened?"

"He attacked me at my apartment. No one else was there."

He mutters something incoherent, squeezing her hand. "Did he…did he rape you?"

She shakes her head. "He never got the chance."

"You fight him off?"

She nods.

"That's my girl," he says softly, squeezing her hand even harder.

"Before he tried to rape me, he said that his victims usually cry someone's name out while he does it, like they're pretending it's someone besides him so it doesn't hurt as much. And he asked me if I was thinking about someone that I was never going to see again. Someone that I would give anything to see just one more time. Asked if I was going to cry out his name."

She pauses to wipe her tear-stained cheeks on her shoulders and winces when she jostles her arm in the sling the wrong way.

"I was thinking about you, Elliot. Brian was not even a thought in my mind. All I could think about was that I was going to die in that room without ever having told you how much I love you. That the last time that we kissed, that we…made love, we were drunk and you were cheating on your wife. About how that couldn't be the last time."

She pauses again, coughing a bit and winces in pain.

"Did that sick bastard break one of your ribs too?"

"He broke two of them."

"I'll kill him."

"I told him that. After I got away and got him handcuffed to the bed, I told him all about my old partner. And how if he, if you, were there you'd torture him and make him beg for his life. He responded to that by saying that I still wanted you. He could hear it in my voice he said. So I picked up the bedpost I had broken off and started beating him with it. Over, and over, and over. And that's what the rescue team walked in on. And Amaro was there and he gave me his coat, but all I wanted when I walked out of that house was for you to be there waiting for me. But you weren't there. And I went home with Brian and not you. I don't want him anymore, Elliot. I just want you."

He moves his chair so it's next to her instead of across from her. "You have me."

She leans into his embrace as a fit of sobs wreck her body. He can feel people's eyes on them, but she is his only concern at the moment. He realizes it's always been that way, especially after Gitano.

"If I would have…" she trails off as she tries to catch her breath. "Brian was working the night shift so he wasn't home. If I had taken you back when you asked, you would have been there, this wouldn't have happened."

"No, don't do that," he whispers into her hair. "Don't blame yourself or Cassidy or anyone else besides your attacker. Even if you had been with me, there's no way to know if I would have been home that night."

"Where were you on the 22nd?"

"…home."

She huffs, which turns into another cough, causing her to grab at her ribs with her good arm.

"I hate that this happened to you," he tells her. "I hate that you've come so close to getting rapped twice and that neither time I was there to protect you. But you're going to get through this. _We're_ going to get through this. Because you are the strongest woman that I know Olivia Benson."

She straightens up in his arms and rests her forehead against his. "Thank you, for being here."

"We're partners. For better or worse."

* * *

AN: I know I said a while back I was down with writing SVU. Well the Lewis case has changed that. As has the continuation of this Cassidy relationship. I plan to add a second chapter to this after the Lewis trial on Wednesday. The chapter probably won't be up until Thursday or Friday though. Thoughts are always welcome.


	2. Chapter 2

He wakes to the sound of her screaming. Elliot rolls over to check on her and finds her thrashing around in her sleep. Normally the screaming causes her to wake herself up, but not tonight.

"Olivia," he says softly, nudging her shoulder.

It doesn't wake her at first, but he tries it again and her eyes fly open. She sits up startled and gasping for breath.

"You're okay," he assures her, rubbing her back.

She closes her eyes and scrubs a hand over her face.

"That bad, huh?"

"He was raping me."

Elliot pulls her closer to him and her head falls onto his shoulder.

"It wasn't real, Liv. He didn't touch you like that. You didn't let him."

She nods and her hair brushes against his chin. "I know. Didn't make it feel any less real though."

"Have they set a trial date yet?" he asks.

"No," she says, shaking her head. "His condition has to improve first."

"They're not charging you with anything are they?"

She shrugs. "I almost killed him. I _could _have killed him. I haven't heard anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if the bastard tried to charge me with assault."

"It was self defense."

"Maybe the first hit was. After that it was just…rage."

He almost makes a joke about him being the one with the anger management problem, but he decides against it, fearing it would only upset her more.

"Was Cassidy upset when you told him you were moving in with me instead of him?" Elliot asks instead, hoping a change in subject will help to calm her down.

Olivia sighs. "He thinks I'm just doing it because you're familiar and I need familiar right now."

Elliot laughs. "So what is he in denial?"

She lifts her head up to look at him. "He seems to think that you're not good enough for me, but he is."

He scoffs. "Bullshit!"

She laughs at that. It's so good to hear her laugh again. He's not even sure if he's seen her smile since he met her at that coffee shop.

"I disagree with him," she tells him.

"You better."

She laughs again and he can't help but smile.

"All right come on, get some sleep. It's your first day back at work tomorrow."

Even though it's dark in the room, he can just feel her rolling her eyes at him. She reaches up to give him a soft kiss before she lays back down on her pillow.

"I'm glad you're back," is the last thing he hears from her before she drifts back to sleep.

* * *

They're sitting at a table with Amaro, Rollins, and Fin at Munch's retirement party. Elliot and Fin are catching up and Amaro and Rollins are discussing something she missed the beginning of. Cragen is up near the front of the room laughing at Munch for one thing or another. Elliot's hand is on her knee and she can't help but smile at how normal all of this feels. When was the last time anything about her life felt normal?

The room quiets as Cragen announces it's time to start to the roast. He kicks it off by talking about how worried he was when Munch made sergeant and he was in charge of the squad for a few weeks. When he finishes, he motions for Olivia to come up. She grabs her journal off the table and heads to the front of the room. She clears her throat and starts speaking, guessing that it will quiet the room.

"So this is actually my diary from my very first day at SVU." She bends her head and begins to read from it. "Dear diary, I felt so nervous walking into the crown jewel of the NYPD and then I had the pleasure of being introduced to detectives Stabler and Munch. They looked a little bit like Archie and Jughead. I thought this has to be a mistake, this can't be SVU, maybe traffic enforcement or post office security."

The audience laughs and Munch butts in with his commentary. "Prick me, Olivia, do I not bleed?"

"So who does that make me, huh? Archie or Jughead?" Elliot calls from his seat.

"Whichever one had the least amount of hair," Munch jabs back, laughing as Elliot shoots him a look.

"Go ahead, Liv sorry," Elliot apologizes. "You were busy accusing Munch and I of being traffic cops."

A smile creeps across her face and she starts to defend her old words. "Well I do have to admit that I did underestimate him, umm at first, but then let's be honest people please who here hasn't?"

More laughter rings throughout the room.

"Hold on, wait," Elliot starts. "You'll admit to underestimating him, but not to underestimating me?"

"This isn't your party."

"Does that mean I can't cry if I want to?"

She shakes her head, returning her attention to Munch. "So, over time, I realized after you got your meds straightened out, that you umm were not only a brilliant detective, John Munch, but you are a deeply soulful man. I will miss you, John Munch."

Munch gets up to hug her and she hugs him back, the whole time looking at Elliot over his shoulder.

"Olivia Benson, everyone, she'll be here all week," Munch says, taking control of the room.

Fin steps up to the podium next and starts in on his favorite story about when Munch got shot in the ass. Olivia takes her seat next to Elliot again and his hand resumes its place on her knee.

"You couldn't make your own speech, you had to butt in on mine?" she whispers.

"I had the right to defend myself," he whispers back.

She shakes her head and places her hand on top of his.

"So John," Fin starts, wrapping it up. "If you'll still be my Jew, I'll still be your boy."

Munch groans as he stands to give Fin the standard man hug. "You're never going to let that one go are you?"

"It seems like it's been forever since the four of us were a team," Elliot says softly so only she can hear it.

"Three years."

"Is that it? Feels like longer."

"That's it."

He shakes his head, looking over at her. "So who's going to leave next? You or Fin?"

"Well I've been here longer…"

He laughs. "Not by much."

She sighs, a small smile forming on her lips. "I don't think I'm done just yet."

* * *

Lewis' trial starts this week. Just the idea of it has a knot of worry forming in the pit of his stomach. Her nightmares have stopped and she actually seems genuinely happy. But he just knows that's all going to end as soon as she has to see Lewis again and relive that awful experience.

She's laying with her back to him in their bed. _Their bed_. He still can't get over that. Elliot slips an arm over her torso and rests his chin on her shoulder.

Olivia hums. "Can I help you?"

"You start going over testimony with Barba tomorrow, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"You gonna be okay?"

She sighs and laces her fingers in between his. "Honestly, I don't know."

"Has he said anything about it to you yet?"

"All I know is that he wants me to say that I only attacked Lewis with that bed post because he broke free of his restraints and I wanted to subdue him." She clucks her tongue. "I nearly killed the guy. Apparently that's subdued."

"He's just trying to help."

"Yeah well. The nightmares are going to start again. Fair warning."

He places a kiss at her temple. "I'll be here when they do."

"Thank you. For being here."

"Sorry it me so long to get here."

"You're here now. That's what matters."

* * *

_1/6/14_

_It's been a while since I've sent you an e-mail. But things are surprisingly slow over here today, just sitting around waiting for ballistics to come back, so I thought I'd check in. How did things with Barba go?_

_Elliot_

* * *

1/6/14

Wow the last thing in our e-mail thread is me wanting to meet you so I could tell you about Lewis. It's like we've come full circle…or something.

But anyway, it was…fine. I'm not supposed to say that I froze when I encountered him in my apartment and that's why I didn't grab my gun from its holster. I'm just supposed to say that he caught me off guard or some shit like that. I don't understand why I can't say it? It's what happened. Sorry that I can't be a badass 24/7. I really didn't realize how different it would be testifying as the victim instead of as the cop. I don't like it.

* * *

_1/6/14_

_No one expects you to be a badass 24/7. I can't even do that. _

_And I don't what tactic he's going for, but it sounds to me like he knows what he's doing. We're going to get this guy, Liv._

* * *

1/6/14

Barba listed off the injuries Lewis' attorney says I inflicted on him. I did more damage to him than he did to me. He's deaf in one ear now. _I_ did that. Physically, I'm just fine now. It makes me look like the perp in all of this. He's going to walk, Elliot. All because I couldn't control my anger. And I'm never going to feel safe with him out there walking around. I just want all of this to be over.

* * *

_1/6/14_

_He's not going to walk. He kidnapped and assaulted a police officer. He tried to rape and kill you. He had it all coming to him. And from what you've told me about all of his other victims, he not only deserved the beating you gave him, but he deserves to die. Or to at least rot in prison for the rest of his miserable life. Don't beat yourself up over this, Liv. You've done nothing wrong._

* * *

1/6/14

Do you think they would have charged me with murder if he had died?

* * *

_1/6/14_

_Not successfully. You were defending yourself. You were in fear for your life._

* * *

1/6/14

Elliot…when I picked up that post, I had every intention to kill him. If Amaro and the others hadn't gotten there when they did, I would have.

* * *

_1/6/14_

_I would have killed him too._

* * *

1/6/14

And Barba wants me to sit on the stand and say that I was trying to subdue him. Lying under oath. Excellent.

Listen, I've got to go track down a lead. I'll see you at home, okay? Pick up some Chinese from that place around the corner of your precinct, will you? The usual.

* * *

"Hey, they gave me extra crab rangoons cause they messed up our order, so you better help me eat them."

Elliot places the food on the kitchen table and is greeted with silence.

"Liv, you here?"

He wanders into the bedroom and finds her sitting on the bathroom floor with her head tucked between her legs. He rushes toward her.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

She lifts her head, revealing a tear-stained face. "I had a panic attack."

He kneels on the floor in front of her and takes her hands in his.

"I hate this," she tells him. "I was doing okay. I was happy."

He doesn't know what to tell her. Every thought that races through his mind sounds too insensitive to say out loud. So instead he scoots closer to her and wraps her in his arms.

"I know," he whispers against her hair. "I know, Olivia, I know."

She leans into him. "I'm sorry that I'm such a mess."

"You don't need to apologize. Be as much of a mess as you need to be. I'm not going anywhere."

A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "Who else would put up with me, right?"

He starts to tell her that really, she's not overacting after everything that's happened to her when he realizes that she's making a reference to a conversation they had years ago sitting on her apartment steps.

"Well I don't have the wife anymore, but I still have the five kids. So I _did_ buy dinner, don't worry about it."

She chuckles at that and gives him her hands to help her stand up. They wander back into the living room together and Olivia moves into the kitchen to pull some glasses down from the cabinet.

"Did you hear what I said about the crab rangoons?" Elliot asks, pulling the take out containers out of the sack.

"Yeah, you're going to force me to eat them."

"Come on, you used to love them."

Olivia fills the glasses with water and brings them back over to the table. "That was before I had a batch that gave me food poisoning. Which you conveniently chose not to eat that night."

"I'm clairvoyant, what can I say?"

"Clairvoyant my ass."

He smirks at her as they both sit down at the table. She purposefully avoids the box filled with crab rangoons and drags the orange chicken and rice toward her.

"I've missed our Chinese runs," he tells her before stuffing a dumpling into his mouth.

"We just had it a few weeks ago," Olivia says, confused.

"No, I mean when we were stuck late at the precinct whether it be just the two of us or the whole team. And we'd find some Rookie to go pick it up for us so we wouldn't have to pay the delivery fee. And we'd fight over who got the last crab rangoon back before you decided that you hated them."

She smiles before taking a swig of her water. "We're not stuck late at the precinct right now. How is tonight any different from the last time we ordered Chinese?"

"I don't know. Maybe we're just eating later, so it feels different."

Elliot opens the plastic container of sweet and sour sauce and pours it over his rice. He just can't eat it plain like she can.

"You know those were great days," Olivia starts. "And once this stupid trial is over, these days will be even better. Because these days, you're actually single."

"I'm not single, Liv. I have you."

* * *

He's busy typing up a report for a case they just closed, when he notices Olivia walk into his bullpen.

"Well this is a pleasant surprise," he smiles at her and leans back in his chair, lacing his hands together behind his head.

His partner is out at lunch so Olivia sits across from him in his partner's chair, giving him a sense of déjà vu.

"Lewis wants to make a plea bargain."

Elliot sits forward and folds his hands on his desk. "What kind of plea bargain?"

"He'll confess to all the details about how he raped me."

He feels the color drain from his face. "But I thought you said –"

"I did. Because he didn't rape me."

Elliot sighs with relief, letting go of the breath he didn't even realize he was holding. "Then why the hell does he want to confess to it?"

"To continue torturing me. To make me sit there in court and listen to all of the horrible things he _planned_ to do to me. To make me publicly state that I'm a rape victim, which I'm not."

"So –"

"I told Barba not to take it."

He nods. "Good."

"Really? Because he seemed to think that I was pretty stupid for not taking it."

"I don't want to put you through that. He shouldn't either."

Olivia sighs and leans back in the chair. "Trial starts tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight."

"I'll stay up with you," Elliot offers.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

* * *

The trial is rough on her. He watches her come home everyday feeling more beaten and defeated than the last. Lewis is really doing a number on her psyche and Elliot hates him even more for it. Her nightmares are back and she wakes up in tears sometimes more than once a night. He just wants the damn thing to be over with. He can't stand sitting in the court as that bastard concocts all of these lies and tries to claim that Olivia had some twisted rape fantasy about him. It almost makes him want to stand up and tell the son of bitch what she _really_ likes in bed and how it has absolutely nothing to do with rape.

Watching her react to all of it is the worst part. She nearly lunges at him with every word out of his mouth. Elliot heard her mumble something the other night her sleep about "finishing the job." He can only assume she was referring to killing him. He doesn't blame her. He'd kill Lewis himself given the opportunity.

The day the verdict is handed out, Olivia is a ball of nerves. She refused to eat anything this morning, fearing that she would throw it up. Elliot prays that Lewis doesn't walk; there's no way Olivia will ever feel safe again if he's a free man.

The jury comes out and the foreman stands, verdict in her hands. On the charge of attempted murder: not guilty. _Shit._ On the charge of attempted rape: not guilty. _Fuck_. Olivia is squirming next to him like she's going to be sick. He takes her hand and squeezes. On the charge of assaulting a police officer: guilty. On the charge of kidnapping: guilty.

The courtroom erupts into chatter and he sneaks a glance at Lewis. He looks pissed off. Good. Elliot turns his attention to Olivia next to him. She's frozen in place, staring unblinking directly ahead of her.

"It's over, Liv. We can breathe again."

She shakes her ahead. "It's not enough."

"He got 25 to life."

"Yeah, he could be out in 25 years."

Elliot puts a hand on her shoulder. "Olivia look at me." She does. "That man is not going to hurt you ever again. He's not going to be playing mind games with you anymore. This is it, it's over, it's done. We can go home and order Chinese or that greasy pizza you like. Hell, maybe I can even round up a Rookie to go pick it up for us like old times sake. Your nightmares are going to stop and you're going to go back to being happy. Your life is back, and I'm still not going anywhere."

She leans forward and kisses him.

"Okay?" he asks, when she pulls away, wiping at the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Yeah. You're right, okay." She shakes her head a little like she's trying to clear out any negative thoughts. "Let's go home. I'm…I'm ready to start moving past this. It's going to take me some time, but…I'll get there. And I have you to thank for helping me get through all of this. I couldn't have done it without your support."

"I love you, okay? Being your support system is what I'm here for."

She smiles and stands up, offering him her hand. "I love you too."


End file.
